5 Ways to Protect Your Mental Health After an Infertility Diagnosis

So much of an adult’s life is spent trying to prevent pregnancy‌. So, when you are finally ready to try and have a family and that dream is out of reach or placed on hold because of infertility, the reality is that much harder to accept.  

Infertility affects 1 in 6 individuals according to the World Health Organization (WHO), and yet it’s not often talked about openly or even recognized in Western cultures. This leaves individuals experiencing infertility feeling isolated, alone, and often struggling with mental health. 

If this is you, know you are not alone in feeling this way. And, if you or a loved one are facing infertility, there are ways you can protect your mental health and long-term healing as you face such a devastating diagnosis.

1. Set Boundaries

An infertility diagnosis puts couples in an emotionally vulnerable position; facing heartbreak in tandem with critical decisions for their future and family. Couples have to make weighty decisions when facing a diagnosis — like whether to undergo fertility treatments, adopt, or no longer pursue having children — and sometimes within very short timeframes. T Adding to the stress of these decisions is the feeling that the most intimate parts of your life and relationship are under examination by doctors, well-meaning family and friends, and sometimes even over-opinionated strangers. 

Nothing will make this journey easy, but setting clear boundaries is one practical way you can protect yourself during these emotionally vulnerable times. Boundaries will help shield you from emotional overwhelm and help you set the terms for what will best help you along this journey.  

Some boundaries you may consider setting are: 

• Who you share information with

• What information you share (or don’t share)

• What events you attend (or don’t attend)

• What social circles you invest your time in 

For example, if going to a baby shower feels too painful right now, give yourself permission to not attend or maybe just send a gift instead of attending. If you know that one friend of yours is going to make insensitive comments regarding your infertility journey, allow yourself to create some distance from them during times when you are feeling especially vulnerable.  

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Infertility can feel consuming. So much of your life is impacted by it: your relationship with your partner, relationships with friends and family, finances, your emotions, your health, and your self-worth. More than ever, during this time, it is important to invest time in things you enjoy that are not connected to infertility. This could be going for walks, reading, making art, or any other hobby you enjoy. 

3. Take Breaks 

It is not a reflection of who you are to take a break from pursuing building a family. Regardless of which path you are on (i.e., fertility treatments, adoption, foster care, etc.), the process causes a lot of additional stress. It can be beneficial for both yourself and your relationship with your partner to step away from pursuing building a family if it is negatively impacting you and your relationship. This is not only ok but ‌necessary at times to protect your physical and mental health.

4. Acknowledge your emotions in a safe place

An infertility diagnosis can feel like your life has been turned upside down. It can feel too raw, too personal, too confusing, and too much of a burden, to share with others. You might even fear other’s unsolicited advice during an already tumultuous time. As hard as it is, you need someone who can come alongside you with compassion and empathy for the nightmare you are experiencing.

Infertility creates so many emotions. There can be hurt, anger, shame, guilt, sadness, fear, depression, anxiety, and grief. And society doesn’t acknowledge most of these feelings because (1) infertility is linked to an invisible diagnosis, and (2) it’s connected to a child or /children you have not yet had. An important part of the healing process is finding a safe place to acknowledge these emotions and learning to engage with them rather than ignore them. 

A safe place to process emotions can look different for each individual, but it might look like:

• A Person (i.e., a trusted friend, family member,  or partner)

• A Group (i.e., a support group or online community) 

• A Practice (i.e., journaling or taking a walk in nature)

• A Professional (i.e., a counselor who can give you unbiased support)

Whoever you choose to support you in this journey, seek someone who can listen without giving unsolicited advice, meet you in your pain, and help you process it. 

Counseling can be a safe place to feel supported in the face of infertility. It doesn’t change how challenging the journey is, but it takes away some of the isolation you might feel otherwise and gives you space to be supported amid often extreme emotions. It validates the anger, shame, guilt, sadness, and fear surrounding your future. Counseling is where your story matters and how you learn to live your future in light of that story.

Sources:

World Health Organization (Ed.). (2023). Infertility prevalence estimates - World Health Organization. Retrieved from https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/366700/9789240068315-eng.pdf